Are you Ready for the Infocalypse?
As many of you may be aware, the infocalypse is coming. The infocalypse or the info-collapse [as it is refered to in the Corporate world] is the breakdown of the global information system: a system so integral to our daily life, without which banking, all finacial transactions, media, data systems; police, military, medical will all quite simply cease.
The unseen network is now so complex and interconnected that if any one area of it has problems, then the rest of the system panics. The speed this panic spreads increases as the network grows and more connections are made.
Just look at how recent economic problems in Russia and Asia have spiraled out of control due to this knock on effect.
This minor ripples are but pre-shocks. Once global panic reaces critical mass, the info-system will spasm in one final orgy of spastic activity and then collapse into its inevitable paralysis.
There is no reason why the breakdown of most of the global information system should adversely affect you if you follow the advice of the Sidegrider Corporation. We have to admit that we have had a large part in creating the conditions that will lead to the biggest crisis in the history of man, so we feel that it is only fair that we help you with a few pointers.
The Sidegrinder Corporation kindly offer you, 23 Data on How to Survive the Infocalypse.
1, Food will be scarce: stockpile by means of stealthy panic buying, well in advance of the collapse - pasta, rice, tinned food - as with any other war. 2, Alcohol, pot, skins, baccy. (Obviously) 3, Your neighbours and friends should be warned and convinced about the seriousness of the coming collapse: you should talk seriously to them about the problem because they are your network of support: mutual support is the only way to avoid a desperate survivalist attitude - ie the survival of the fittest (the most violent). 4, Rats will be the most suited to conditions of little food: they will be aware of the location of the little you have and they are perfectly well-adapted to stealing it, and despoiling what remains with urine or faeces: keep what you have hoarded in the most secure conditions you can. 5, The army/police will be the first means of exerting control in such an event. You will be denied civil rights: there will be curfew, and summary execution for looting. At all times during the crisis, you may assume a shoot-to-kill policy will be in force. The government will almost certainly be forced to requisition food if the crisis lasts more than a few weeks. YOU MUST NOT SURRENDER YOUR FOOD, no matter what: deny you have any, hide what you have, share what you have among your family, friends, neighbours and others: remember, co-operation protects, individualism conflicts. 6, Try to be away from cities when the crisis occurs. The cities are technological systems, and the crisis will be technological. BE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE! 7, You will need to plan for waht this entails: tents, fuel and food, warm clothing. Plan to stay for at least two weeks. Plan ahead: be prepared. 8, The Sidegrinder Corporation strongly sugests that you attend one of Network 23īs Millenium gatherings. The preparations have been made for at least three such gatherings now. The Mutiod Waste Company are preparing one in Australia, Spiral Tribe in an abandoned village in the Spanish Pyranees and Network 23 USA are making plans for one in the States. These locations have been chosen as there are many possibilities to start sustainable communities nearby. Our advice is: LIVE UP IN THE HILLS. Please arrive at these gatherings with enough fuel to enable your vehicle to travel to your permanent post-Infocollapse location. We cannot stress strongly enough that lost-its will not be tolerated. We can help with the exchange of information, but aside from this YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN. 9, You will be re-assured by means of televison and other governmental media that normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. It is useful to re-read governmental literature of surviving a nuclear attack when deciding whther to trust the govermental mouthpieces, or not. Never place undue faith in any member of your state's controlling policing body. 10, Never eat anything bigger than your head. 11, Many people working in the IT industries are also members of the Network 23 Technical Support Division. They inform us that that the richer parts of the global computer system are 2000-compliant, the basic utility companies are not: thus, Gas, Water and Electricity will be highly-adversely affected by the infocalypse. Build your own wind farm, get wise about the best kinds of solar panels. 12, Self-reliance is essential, and must lead to sustainability: be open-minded to ideas from other cultures: they can enrich your lives with what they bring to the sustainable community. Effective filtering of information is paramount. Be open to everything but beware of false prophets. DO NOT LET PEOPLE BULLSHIT YOU. 13, Religious hysteria - pagan, christian, islamic - will be rife, as will secular faiths such as scientology, and numericalism. Adherents will tend towards apocalyptic thinking, and will be looking for scapegoats: Network 23, based as it is on the cosmic truth of the sacred icon "23", advises you to avoid the company of the blindly faithful, whatever their faith, as they are likely to descend into barbarity in the face of the global confusion that will reign from 00.00.00 01/01/2000. 14, Take a nice, warm wooly hat with you into the uncertain future. 15, Learn to knit. Stockpile wool. Remember - sheep will be very hard to catch during the info-collapse. (They are not really stupid at all.) 16, Condoms. Catching a terminal sexual disease because of an end-of-the-world shag is inadvisable: having survived the first attempt to de-populate the planet, it would be silly to fall prey to the second. REMEMBER: AIDS was welcomed by only the meanest and basest of the species. 17, Stockpile weapons to protect yourself from right-wing survivalist fundamentalist christians. Note: Ted Nugent albums make excellent ninja death-stars, trimmed, and shrunken in the oven. 18, Club together with some friends, buy and launch your own Information Satellite 19, Ensure you can use all 8 neural circuits WITH AND WITHOUT the use of mind altering drugs. Make [more] music of mind expanding dimensions. Work on whatever psychik powers you have. This crisis may well involve a large jump in species evolution. Get ready to make the jump. 20, Ensure you can make a home with naturally occurring materials. 21, Learn to use your Chi energy to power your household appliances. Learn Chinese medicine.[i.e. Stick your finger up your arse on a windy day to treat haemorrhoids]. 22, Become a Vegetable enthusiast. 23, Remember you only have as many morals as you can afford, so start saving.
Your servant, Milton A Sidegrinder [the unsmiling face of tomorrow, on behalf of the Sidegrinder Corp.]
If you are unfamiliar with the REAL sponsors of Network 23 then you should investigate the pages, indicated by the buttons on the left and the titles below. You should know who you are really dealing with.
